


Trasparent (iwaoi)

by kagewho



Category: haikyuu
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Multi, SO SAD, Ship, dead, otp, rip my heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 02:40:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9858323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kagewho/pseuds/kagewho
Summary: "I stood. Staring death in the face. And wondered if it could be that bad."





	1. misconception

"Um...yeah...he's just through there," the nurse motioned towards the closed white doors. Iwaizumi nodded a thanks and walked towards them, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets and tightening his shoulders.

Everything about this place unnerved the boy. It was too sterile, too perfectly clean, if it wasn't for the fact he knew better he'd guess no one had ever entered the entirety of the building. He hated it here, just the feel of it. Perhaps it was the negative connotations that came with the place but he wanted to get Oikawa and leave as soon as he could.

The only sound apart from a pen scratching on a clip board was the steady, echoing noise of his trainers connecting with the polished floor. When he finally reached the door and pushed it, it opened soundlessly allowing him access to the room beyond. He let the door slip from his fingers and it swung a few times on the hinges before settling into place in its frame.

A single, wide, rectangular window illuminated a majority of the room, pale blue curtains hanging on either side of it. On the plain white walls hung generic artwork of fruit with no real emotion behind it, only adding to the feeling of emptiness the place held. Some beeping machines stood beside the head of a bed against the wall. A boy with now messy brown hair boy laid on the bed, peacefully asleep. Oikawa. 

Iwaizumi had all but dropped everything to rush to the hospital when he'd heard of the car crash but he'd managed to calm himself enough on the way to talk civilly to the nurse rather than shout at her like he wished to do. Over the phone, they had told him it was just a broken arm. Just a broken arm. Iwaizumi knew full well that it was routine for them to see broken arms but it agitated them how aloof they'd seemed about it. Like it was nothing more than a bruise. But that didn't matter now. Because he was at Oikawa's bedside, the only visible proof of his accident was the white cast encircling his left arm and the light blue half moons under his eyes. 

The boy took a deep breath, taking a hold of Oikawa's unhurt arm as if he needed tangible proof of his realness. It was fine. Oikawa was fine. He would be fine. At least, as soon his heart rate slowed considerably. 

A light knock came on the door, the same nurse he had spoken to before entered timidly. 

"I'm just here to check his vitals," she explained, moving closer to the bed and gazing intently at the multitude of machines Oikawa was hooked up to before scribbling rapidly on her clip board,  
"He's all good. Should be waking up soon."

And with that she left, clipboard in hand.

Another sigh of relief left Iwaizumi's lips and he looked down at the boy in front of him. In all Iwaizumi's life he'd never known anyone who got into as many sticky situations as Oikawa and, now they are roommates for the foreseeable future, Iwaizumi's not quite sure how he's going to cope with the constant heart attacks. 

Black. Everything was black. He felt weightless, like he was floating in a sea of nothing. He felt almost drowsy. He shook his head in the dreaming state he was in, not sure if his parallel universe correlated with the real world. Another shake. Shaking off the fogginess in his brain. But it wouldn't leave. It hung like a cloud of led on his train of thought that had apparently derailed. Another shake. Where was he? What was happening? Why couldn't he get this feeling to leave? Another shake. He wanted to wake up. Why wouldn't it go away? Why wouldn't it leave him alone?! He felt like he was working up to a shout in a place where his screams couldn't be heard. He pushed on his eyelids, willing them to open. Trying to clench his fists and pull back the cloak of darkness. He just wanted it to GO AWAY. Was that so hard? Another shake. Another tug at his eyelids and away from the darkness. 

A thin sliver of light penetrated the darkness. The wedge of bright grew bigger as he forced the grogginess as far away as he could. But it still lurked in the foreground of his mind. Another tug. He was almost there. The darkness was blurring at the edges and backing away from his line of sight. Soon, his vision focused- like the lens of a camera- and he saw. Dust motes spinning through beams of light. Lights flashing on a otherwise blank screen. And a boy. A boy with tan skin and spiky black hair. He saw the boys expression soften.

"Hey, Oikawa," the boy greeted, smiling slightly, "How are you feeling?"

This wasn't good. The darkness was setting back in. It was close to dragging him back into his murky depths. He felt as he would disappear within himself if it got a good enough grip. He needed to keep a firm grasp the version of his life that seemed close to reality in anyway he could. So he spoke, his voice croaky,

"Who are you?" 

And the boy's face dropped.


	2. Denial

The boy in front of Oikawa chucked in disbelief and scratched the back of his neck,

"What do you mean? You know who I am, right?" Oikawa shook his head slowly and watched the colour drain from the tan boys face. 

He looked like he was going to throw up or pass out or both. Hell, he felt like he was going to. Oikawa, his friend of god knows how many years, didn't know who he was. Surely that wasn't possible. Was it? Of course it was. Amnesia could cause memory loss. But they'd told him it was just a broken arm. This wasn't just a broken arm. This was fucking amnesia. Amnesia. Of fucking course, what else? Why would this just turn out alright? What had he ever done to deserve that? He hadn't even told the boy he loved him! And now it was too late. Now, he didn't even recognise him,

"I have to go..." Iwazumi searched for an excuse, "talk to the nurse," and he left with out another word, leaving the other boy alone in his room with his dangerous thoughts. 

God damn it Oikawa. Why could he remember his own stupid name but not the other boy's? He'd seem so heart broken. He knew him. But he didn't know him at all. He couldn't remember. He couldn't even remember what happened to him.

He heard shouting outside his room but he ignored it and turned over to bury his face in his pillow and wrapped it around his head, hoping to drown out the pain along with all his senses.

In the hallway, Iwaizumi caught sight of the nurse he'd seen earlier in the reception of the hospital,

"Hey," he called for her attention louder than he'd meant to and she turned around, startled like a dear in headlights.

"Can I help you?" she asked with a chipper tone in her voice. 

This annoyed Iwaizumi to no extent. How could she be so happy in a place with death and sadness? Where people were dying and being delivered soul-destroying news. Where his friend. His best friend, was suffering and he had no clue how to help or even if he could. 

He was about to flare out at the nurse who was stood blinking stupidly waiting for Iwazumi's response when he heard another person shouting angrily probably for a similar reason he was about to. He didn't want to be that person. He wanted to be there for Oikawa and if he acted recklessly he would get chucked out of the hospital, for certain. 

 

"Yeah, my friend,ummm," he motioned to the room with his thumb, not sure how to continue, "I think he has...Amnesia."

"Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed in surprise, her voice raising slightly in pitch, "I'll send a doctor to check on him right away."

"Thanks," he said tonelessly. That just meant more conformation that he'd lost his friend forever and he could feel any sense of being slowly pulled out of him, swirling and twisting his emotions like water down a drain.

"It should be about five minutes so you may as well head back into the room and wait with him," she recommended before scurrying in the direction opposite to the one she was originally headed. 

Iwaizumi dropped heavily onto a seat beside him, resting his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. He kneaded his hands into his closed eyes as if he could wipe away what was happening from his vision, like it was some sort of apparition or mirage. But when he lifted his head back up and opened his eyes he was obviously still in the sterile hospital and his friend still didn't know who he was. 

 

Dragging himself back to the room he now dreaded entering, he walked in on a still and unusually quiet Oikawa with a pillow over his face. Iwaizumi rushed over to the bedside and ripped the pillow away from his face,

"What the hell are you doing?" he shouted at the boy with wide eyes.

"Does it matter?" Oikawa questioned wistfully. Iwaizumi squinted at his friend. It was so weird for someone that you knew for so long to completely lost to you yet right there.

"It matters to me," Iwaizumi said resigned, dropping the pillow.

"Why?" Iwaizumi just turned around and ignore the question, "Tell me why? I don't even know who you are? I barely know who I am. I shouldn't matter to you any more. You might as well leave."

"I won't. I don't care what happened to you. You're still the same Oikawa I've known for so many years. I never cared when you changed. When you started spouting shit about your talent blooming or even when you hit that Tobio kid because you were the same as when we were kids around me and even around other people I could see past the fake act you put on," his words triggered distant bells in Oikawa's mind. Bells that sounded rusted and so cracked with age that they almost didn't work but they were still there chiming in the distance. Reminding Oikawa that there was stuff to remember, there was truth in the words this boy was saying to him. Iwaizumi continued, "And I'm willing to stay with you as long as you need and do whatever I can to help because I know you didn't stop being that person then so you won't stop now. I can't just leave you. The person I..." he trailed off, looking down.

"The person you what?" Oikawa pressed. This was one thing that was not familar at all to him yet it somehow seemed the most right out of all the things he had experienced since he woke up.

"Nothing. I can't say that to you. Not while you're...Not the you I know." Oikawa was about to spit out a retort when a soft knock came to the door followed by a kind face that dragged them both out of their argument and back to reality.


	3. please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> notes at the end

Iwaizumi stepped back out into the stuffy hallway, reluctantly breathing deep in the stifling air. His heartbeat was erratic, at points it didn't even feel like it was beating at all, he just wanted it all to stop. But he would be strong, just like he always was, even if it seemed like the person he was always strong for was long gone and would probably never come back. 

The doctor had said they would call the next of kin as soon as possible, that was Oikawa's parents, since he wasn't married. This prospect terrified him. Oikawa stared at his thumbs but managed to see past them into a place full of doubt. He had no idea who his parents were, where they were, what they were like. Did he hate them? Did they hate him? Where even were they? All he knew was that they were alive. That was it. About as much as he knew about himself at the moment. He didn't even know their names! The thought of witnessing more crestfallen and disappointed faces that he had managed to cause was a thought he wished he could avoid but he was going down a dark path, imagining all the terrible things that could happen. He was being dragged back into a deep, dingy whirlpool of uncertainty and dangerous thought.

A small cough roused Oikawa's rational mind and his vision refocused on reality. With his eyelids half lowered, the deep purple bags making it seem like he had lived a thousand lives without sleep, he looked at the boy stood, hesitating at the doorway. What was the boys name again? Did he know? He didn't remember. And it didn't seem to matter much anymore. Everything he had known was gone. No. His situation was worse. What he'd known was right in front of him and yet it meant absolutely less than nothing to him. He didn't want to hurt anyone. Whether he knew them or not. 

Something soft hit his head and he opened the eyes he hadn't remembered closing. There were words being shouted at him but he didn't hear them, he didn't need to. Maybe he'd just slip away, back to the darkness. Maybe he'd stay there a while. The pain was bearable, anyway. Not that it meant much, any pain would be welcome. It was well deserved on his part. He kept hurting people and staying in the light would hurt them more and others. So he'd go, somewhere quiet, somewhere far away. Maybe he wouldn't come back.

"Oikawa, what's wrong?" Oikawa's glance had pierced threw Iwaizumi like a sword. The brunette's eyes were vacant, like he wasn't in his body. Iwaizumi watched as Oikawa's eyelids lowered until they fully closed. His head lolled back, like no one was there to hold it up.

"Tooru!" Iwaizumi shouted, striding across the room and catching Oikawa so he didn't fall on his head and hurt his neck. He lowered the boy onto the pillow, talking to him the entire time, "Oikawa! Oikawa, wake up!"

Dropping to his knees beside the bed and grabbing Oikawa's chillingly cold hand, he saw the boys eyes flutter open but they were glassy, completely glazed over. The taller boy muttered something unintelligible and his eyes closed again. Iwaizumi pressed Oikawa's hand to his lips, feeling silent tears running ugly tracks down his face. It was evident. There was nothing he could do to save the person he loved. Oikawa was so far gone, so far that he may never come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is lowkey a vent chapter ew. I really need to improve my angst writing jesus


End file.
